Working with neurodivergent children and their families is both a rewarding and deeply impactful journey. As a therapist, you’ll quickly discover that the key to successful therapy is creating a safe, non-judgmental space for the child and their family, while gently guiding them towards understanding the root causes of their challenges—without adding pressure.
In this practice guide, we’ll explore practical approaches, examples, and psychological theories to help you confidently support neurodivergent children and their families on their therapeutic journey.
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1. Start with Empathy, Not Assumptions
Neurodivergent children, such as those on the autism spectrum or with ADHD, often face unique challenges. However, their struggles can manifest in countless ways, so it’s important to meet them where they are, rather than assuming you know what’s going on right away.
Example:
If a parent says, “My child is having meltdowns every day,” instead of immediately focusing on behaviour modification techniques, start with open-ended questions:
– “What are some situations where you’ve noticed these meltdowns happening?”
– “How does your child seem to feel right before?”
By focusing on a curiosity-driven conversation, you make the child and family feel heard, laying the groundwork for trust.
According to Carl Rogers’ Client-Centered Therapy, empathy and unconditional positive regard are essential for a child to feel safe and understood in the therapeutic process.
Tip for Professionals:
Avoid diving into solutions too soon. Your role is to observe, listen, and be curious about the child’s experience before taking action.Â
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2. Build a Collaborative Relationship with the Family
Parents of neurodivergent children often carry a heavy emotional load, feeling pressure to “fix” their child. As their therapist, your job is not to add to this pressure but to partner with them.
Theory in Practice:
Family Systems Theory, developed by Murray Bowen, emphasizes that a child’s challenges cannot be fully understood in isolation—they are part of a larger family dynamic. Recognizing the interconnectedness of the family allows you to guide parents to see how their responses and emotional climate influence their child’s behaviour.
Example:
In a session, a father might say,
“We just don’t know what to do anymore. Everything we try makes things worse.” Instead of focusing solely on the child’s behaviour, ask:
– “How do you feel when your child is overwhelmed?”
– “What are the stress points for you as parents during these moments?”
By validating parental stress and exploring how the family copes, you help create a plan that supports everyone involved. This approach shifts the focus from “fixing” the child to fostering healthy communication and coping strategies for the entire family.
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3. Use Play-Based Techniques for Children
For neurodivergent children, verbal communication may not always come easily. That’s where play-based techniques, especially Play Therapy (pioneered by Virginia Axline), become invaluable. The play offers a natural, comfortable medium for children to express feelings and explore their inner world without the need for complex language.
Example:
If a child is non-verbal or has limited communication, use toys, puppets, or sand tray play. While they engage in play, observe their actions. For example, if a child repeatedly acts out frustration using a puppet, it can give you insight into their emotional struggles without them having to verbalise it.
Tip for Professionals:
Create a sensory-friendly play space that’s calming and adaptable. Soft lighting, sensory objects, and calming colours can help neurodivergent children feel more comfortable in your office. Pay attention to non-verbal cues during play, which often reveal the root cause of emotional or behavioural issues.
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4. Focus on Strengths, Not Just Challenges
Neurodivergent children often receive messages from the world that they’re “different” in a negative way. Therapy should aim to reframe these differences as strengths. This shift can be a powerful source of self-esteem and motivation for both the child and their family.
Theory in Practice:
Strength-based therapy focuses on what a child can do rather than what they struggle with. Highlighting strengths creates a positive feedback loop, motivating the child to engage more deeply in therapy.
Example:
Instead of focusing on a child’s difficulty with focus, you might say, “I’ve noticed you’re really good at building complex structures with LEGO. Let’s see if we can use that focus to help with other activities.”
This approach helps the child feel seen and valued for their abilities, not just their challenges.
Tip for Professionals:
Celebrate small wins. Whether it’s a successful interaction with peers or an improvement in self-regulation, make sure both the child and the parents know these moments matter.
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5. Gently Uncover the Root Cause without Adding Pressure
The ultimate goal is to identify underlying triggers or causes for the child’s behaviours or struggles. However, rushing this process can create more stress. Instead, introduce the idea that understanding takes time and focus on making the child and family feel safe during the journey.
Example:Â
If a child is experiencing frequent outbursts, start by observing their behaviour across different settings (home, school, therapy) to look for patterns. Ask the parents to keep a behaviour log. Over time, you might notice that meltdowns tend to happen after a long day at school, suggesting sensory overload is a potential root cause.
Theory in Practice:
Bruce Perry’s Neurosequential Model of Therapeutics emphasizes that understanding the sequence of a child’s stress response (when, where, and why meltdowns occur) can lead to better therapeutic outcomes.Â
Tip for Professionals:
Be patient. The root cause may not be immediately clear, but by building trust and observing carefully, you’ll begin to connect the dots without overwhelming the family with pressure for immediate results.
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6. Incorporate Parent Involvement and Psychoeducation
Parents often feel isolated or overwhelmed by their child’s diagnosis. Psychoeducation—teaching parents about their child’s neurodivergent condition—gives them the tools to better understand their child’s needs.
Example:
You might explain to a parent, “Your child’s brain processes sensory information differently. That’s why they may become overwhelmed by loud noises.” Providing this insight helps parents shift from frustration to empathy.
Tip for Professionals:
Encourage parents to practice self-compassion as they learn more about their children. Educate them on how small changes in their approach can have a big impact on the child’s emotional well-being.
Cultivating Safety and Growth